What to Do When Your Nanny Isn’t the Right Fit

Hiring a nanny is deeply personal. You’re inviting someone into your home, your family’s routine, and your child’s everyday life. So when things don’t feel quite right, it can be confusing and emotionally difficult to know what to do next.

At The Natural Nanny Collective, we support families through every stage of their childcare journey—including those moments when a placement just isn’t working out. Whether it’s a subtle misalignment or a more serious concern, it’s important to approach the situation with clarity, respect, and accountability.

Here’s what to do when your nanny isn’t the right fit.

1. Start by Asking: Is This About Fit, or Communication?

Before making any decisions, take a moment to reflect on what’s really happening. Are the issues related to the nanny’s character or behavior—or are they stemming from unclear expectations, lack of communication, or a mismatch in routines or parenting style?

Ask yourself:

• Have we clearly outlined duties and expectations?

• Have we given honest feedback?

• Have we asked how the nanny is feeling in the role?

• Do we allow room for adjustment and learning?

Remember: nannies can’t read your mind. If you need them to be more proactive, to take initiative with tidying up or planning activities, you have to say so directly. Many nannies are eager to please but don’t want to overstep.

2. Give It Time

Just like starting any new job, it takes time for a nanny to settle in. For most, the first few weeks are a learning curve—especially in a home with a unique schedule, multiple children, or specific values like screen-free play, Montessori-based routines, or dietary preferences.

We recommend giving it at least two to three months before making a final decision, unless there’s a serious red flag. During that time:

• Hold weekly or bi-weekly check-ins

• Offer feedback and reassurance

• Clarify boundaries and daily expectations

Sometimes, a small shift in communication can lead to major improvements in the relationship.

3. Be Honest—But Respectful

If, after time and clear feedback, things still don’t feel right—it’s okay to acknowledge that. You’re the employer, and your child’s safety and well-being come first. That said, how you communicate matters—especially if your nanny will remain in the home during a transition period.

Here’s a respectful way to approach the conversation:

“We’ve been doing some reflecting, and we’re feeling like this may not be the right long-term fit. We really appreciate the care and effort you’ve brought to our home, especially [insert a few specific things they’ve done well]. Our children’s safety and happiness are our top priority, and we want to make a thoughtful transition. We’ll begin looking for a replacement and want to check in with you—can we count on you to continue providing excellent care for the children during this time?”

This approach is kind, clear, and sets expectations. It also protects your children by opening up a conversation around their care during the transition.

4. Provide Proper Notice—Unless Safety Is at Risk

If possible, give as much notice as you can—two weeks is standard, but even more is appreciated when you can offer it. However, if you feel that your child is not safe, trust your instincts and take immediate action. Safety always overrides courtesy.

Keep in mind:

• You are legally the employer

• You’re responsible for honoring any termination terms in your work agreement

• A respectful exit leaves the door open for future recommendations or referrals.

• Write them a letter of recommendation unless there were serious safety concerns. This assists her in securing a future postion.

5. Reach Out for Support

You don’t have to handle this alone. At The Natural Nanny Collective, we offer guidance to help families navigate difficult conversations, identify what went wrong, and make better-aligned hires moving forward.

Sometimes, the issue isn’t that your nanny was “bad”—just that the fit wasn’t right for your family’s values, routines, or communication style. We use these experiences as a chance to refine your next search and ensure it’s built on shared expectations from day one.

Final Thoughts

It’s okay if a placement doesn’t work out. What matters is how you move through it—with clarity, respect, and responsibility.

As the employer, your role is to be communicative, direct, and kind. When you handle the process well, you model the very behavior you want your children to grow up seeing: honesty, boundaries, and grace in tough moments.

And when you’re ready for support, we’re here to help you find a caregiver who truly fits—someone who shares your values around respectful caregiving, healthy eating, holistic development, and child-led learning.

Because your family deserves more than just help.
You deserve a partnership rooted in trust. See why families across the nation choose us!